Just when you thought your Wednesday evenings were safe and you were free to do with them what the lord intended (look in the fridge, contemplate cooking something healthy, and order pizza instead), FOX decides to return once again and torture your poor stuck-at-home self. That’s right, the fifth season of The Masked Singer is underway and the costumes look more deranged than ever. Only time will tell which “celebrities” are hiding underneath these nightmare-inducing masks, but for now, all I know is that fans are once again reaching for the stars with their guesses. Exhibit A: a garbage-dwelling creature with a penchant for checkered plaid commonly referred to by friends and enemies alike as—drumroll, please—the Raccoon.
Yeah, this guy right here:
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Who might be lurking behind this scraggly visage? No one knows for sure (well, except for the weirdos occupying the corner offices at FOX), but of course, fans have not wasted a minute coming up with compelling theories.
The Clues
Behold, the evidence:
- We see the Raccoon saying “Sometimes to get the happy ending, you have to go through hell first” while being escorted into…jail?!
- One of the bodyguards carries a glowing donut on a tray
- Things take an even darker turn when the Raccoon reveals “I faced death” while tallying up the number of days they spent locked up
- Their favorite story is “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” (ESMERALDA, IS THIS U?)
- The Raccoon calls himself a “monster,” implying that unlike Quasimodo, he was not innocent
- The overall theme is definitely ~second chances~
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Then there’s also this clue-esque preview on Instagram that’s worth analyzing:
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We hear an incredibly high-pitched raccoon squeak out the following statement: “You might not be able to trust me with your lunch, but you better trust that I can sing, baby!” Fans also note that the Raccoon is dressed as a cowboy—or cowgirl. There’s actually some debate over whether the Raccoon is a woman or a man. (Gender is a construct.) And lastly, eagle-eyed viewers pointed out that the Raccoon put the lid on what appears to be a flamingo…in a trash can.
The Performance
During episode 1, the Raccoon sang (if you can call it that 😬) “Wild Thing” by The Troggs. It was…interesting:
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The Theories
Danny Trejo
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After the Raccoon’s performance in episode 1, fans became fully CONVINCED that actor Danny Trejo is our bristly bud. Trejo does have a pretty extensive criminal past, so that part would add up. AND he now owns a donut shop empire in Los Angeles (LA Weekly called Trejo’s Coffee and Donuts “the best donuts” in the city) so the sparkly treat on a tray would also make sense. I’m into this guess!
Kiely Williams
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This theory is intriguing for a couple reasons. You might recall that way back in season 2, we learned that the celebrity hiding underneath the Flamingo mask was none other than Adrienne Bailon, formerly of 3LW and The Cheetah Girls.
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Kiely Williams (also formerly of 3LW and The Cheetah Girls) and Adrienne Bailon famously had a falling-out, with Kiely accusing Adrienne of being a fake friend. So! With that context, the flamingo-in-the-trash-can moment makes a lot more sense. But also, some people think the flamingo in the trash can means the Raccoon is Adrienne’s husband, singer and producer music Israel Houghton. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Jack Black
Samir HusseinGetty Images
…Because of his “big belly,” claims one YouTube commenter. On the one hand, I would rather not engage with this theory, but on the other hand, I can totally see him doing this show? Also worth noting a few other connections: Jack was in Jumanji, a movie about, yep, animals. He can also sing, as evidenced by his lead singer position in the rock comedy band Tenacious D. And last but not least—and this is a deep, deep cut—real fans will remember the time Ellen DeGeneres scared Jack Black with a raccoon on her show:
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Bradley Cooper
Kevork DjansezianGetty Images
Bless their hearts, some fans want the Raccoon to be the Oscar-nominated actor Bradley Cooper—the connection being that Bradley voiced the character of Rocket (a raccoon) in Guardians of the Galaxy. Which, sure, fine, tracks, but if you’ll allow me to be a complete snob for a second: The greatest Sex and the City cameo WOULD NEVER.
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Check back here for more theories throughout the season. Bye!
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